a new thought

It's the second Tuesday of the school year. The seventh day of class. And today I saw some light! I've seen some sparks. A few glimmers. But today there was a definite GLOW!

Seeing the lightbulbs click on for my students is one of my favorite teacher things. It's great that we had some light today. The first week for seventh graders is usually a blur. I'm not sure they hear much that I say in the entire week. They are just overwhelmed with all the new - new building, new teachers, new schedules, new activities, new procedures. And sometimes in the busyness of first week, I forget. I get frustrated that those sparks don't glow. I start to panic.

What can I do?

What can I change?

Where do I go from here?

What can I do differently?

Maybe it's because we had our first test yesterday. Maybe it's just getting the first week behind us. But today it seemed as though they started to breathe again. Like they had been holding their breath and finally decided to exhale and breathe normally.

Maybe all these years I've been seeing the wrong thing. Maybe it's not a lightbulb but a flame. And a flame can't burn without oxygen.

I've got to remember to tell them to breathe.

my vocabulary has ruined my kids careers

I have mentioned that I have a problem with insomnia. I can usually go to sleep but can't stay that way. Sometimes I wake up after only an hour or so of sleep and can't get back to sleep until almost time to get out of bed. Sometimes I spend my night bouncing back and forth asleep, awake, asleep, awake. And every now and then I can't get to sleep at all.

I have also mentioned that lately I have been trying to be more active. Because of my recent increase in activity, my right knee is giving me fits. FITS I tell you! It hurts. Some days worse than others; yesterday was a some day. When I got home from work, it was swollen and causing pain up and down my entire leg. I have been taking Ibuprofen, but last night I had to take a pain pill before I went to bed.

Yesterday, I posted about my boys catching a wild pig.  And I'm sure the trap has been reset in hopes of catching another. There is much work to be done on a farm, but somehow they always find time to chase down wild critters.

Now! To try and tie this all together.

Last night I woke up twice. And each time I was thinking about the same thing. ERUDITE.

Several years ago, I was chatting with a friend from high school. And she used the word in conversation. I've known her a long time, so I wasn't surprised by her use of the word. But I have to say it's not a word I hear thrown about in everyday conversation. As a matter of fact, I'm not sure I've ever heard it used in casual conversation. I'm no dummy, but I am a simple girl. Not simple-minded, just low maintenance, down to earth.

And last night when I woke up thinking about ERUDITE, I had an epiphany (I do use that word). She casually throws around words like erudite. And this summer her son was at a camp where he split his DNA and then made a necklace out of it. I can't even begin to imagine how that is done. By a high school kid. At summer camp. While I, of the simple vocabulary, have two boys who would have never finished high school if they didn't have to maintain a certain GPA to be eligible for football. The boys have no interest whatsoever in reading or furthering their education. I can't count how many times I've been asked, "Where is he going to school?" when standing in line at the grocery store or gas pump. And I want to return, "Do you know my boys?" They have absolutely no interest in anything that might involve homework.

So last night in my insomnia/medicated/Lord,-don't-let-'em-bring-home-a-pig-to-keep sleep, I realized something. If I had only thrown around a few words like erudite, my boys would probably be pre-med students right now. And I might have a necklace with my DNA inside.

During the three weeks or so that I was unable to blog I had such great ideas for posts. I started so many interesting, intelligent, intriguing posts in my head. Did I put pen to paper? Did I record any of those ideas? No. Today I spent about two hours riding the lawn mower. When my sister-in-law mows her yard, she puts in her headphones and jams; I never do that. I have always used lawn mower time to collect my thoughts - plan lessons, dream up the plan for carrying out whatever endeavor looms on the horizon. I have discussed this a bit before. My family sometimes accuse me of being a huge procrastinator, and I am a bit of one. But much of the time that I am doing other things, like riding the mower, I am thinking and planning. When I was trying to finish college, I often had several papers to write and more than one novel to read. I usually can't just sit down and write; I have to mull it over while doing something else. Many of my essays were planned as I cooked dinner or went for a walk. Today when I got on that mower, I might as well have put in the headphones. My mind was blank. Or maybe spinning so fast that nothing could drop out enough to focus my thoughts.

I have had a very busy week helping to decorate for my nephews wedding. And I am moving into my it's-almost-August-school-starting-what-am-I-going-to-teach panic mode that hits me every summer even after almost 20 years of teaching. There are some other issues just buzzing around in this head of mine. I am blaming all of this for my lack of focus. Am I the only one who lets so much get to spinning around in my head that it can't fall out? Like that ride at the fair where you stand up and the thing spins so fast that you are held against the wall and couldn't move no matter how hard you tried. It affects my sleep. I wake up with a million things running through my mind. I feel like I could think clearly if I could just get a good night's sleep; but I can't get a good night's sleep because I can't clear my thoughts. It's a vicious circle. Are there any men out there who do this? Is it a woman thing? A momma thing? A crazy thing?

So many ideas are lost when I am in one of these sleep deprived phases. I wake up in the middle of the night with a great idea, or I think of something when I am nowhere near a computer. And when I can finally get to the computer, the  idea is completely gone or is missing a key component. In hopes of grabbing a few of those potentially brilliant moments, I bought a cute little journal last week. And it has been on the kitchen table since I brought it in the house. Until yesterday, I honestly haven't had time to even think about it, and as I've said already, today was a total blank.

After mowing, I worked on some lesson plans for the new school year. I managed not to take that much wanted nap this afternoon, and now I am very sleepy. I am going to take that journal and put it on my bedside just in case I wake up with a great idea spinning around in this head of mine. And if I don't wake up, maybe I'll get enough rest so that I can focus on one particular thing instead of not focusing on a million things.