Monday, August 15, 2011

Insomnia Owns Me

Every year it happens. Every year I plan for it. Every year I fight it. Every year I fail.

The first day of school can be a little crazy. No matter how good the day goes when it ends, I am exhausted. After all of the first days, I know it ends this way. And I try to prepare for the exhaustion.

The previous week was a bit taxing. So it was absolute perfection that Saturday was a lazy, rainy day. I napped most of the day. Sunday I made sure to do just the opposite - I didn't even think about napping. I exercised, twice. I had lunch at my momma's. I worked in my classroom for a few hours. I had an easy, relaxing evening. Then just to seal the deal, I took Tylenol PM about an hour before my usual bedtime. It should have been a great night's sleep. It should have been such a revitalizing rest. But insomnia owns me.

I did eventually get to sleep. A little later than I had hoped, but not so late that the night was ruined. Then I woke up with those blasted little wheels in my head just a turning. I went back to sleep. And again I was jolted awake by those damned wheels. It happened over and over. And when that alarm rang, I was so not ready to get out of bed. Actually, getting up this morning wasn't so bad; it was that wall I hit around 1:30 this afternoon that kicked my butt.

So, it's almost 9:00. I'm thinking tonight I won't even go to my bedroom until about 10:30. Or should I go earlier? Should I go around 9-ish and read? Should I have a glass of wine now and go to bed at 10? Should I try again with the Tylenol PM? Crap! Those little wheels are starting to turn.

If I could just find a way to turn it off. Go eight hours without thinking. My insomnia comes and goes. I have gone months and months with only 2-3 hours of interupted sleep. And then it will just go away. I'll sleep like a baby. Sometimes I'll even go for more than a year without any sleep issues. And I think I bring it on myself on nights like last night. I try to force it. I worry about it before it happens. Which solidifies the fact that it will.

I am starting to ramble - blame it on a lack of sleep. I am Mer. I am a rambler. And insomnia owns me.

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