2 steps forward 3 steps back

Or something like that.

If you've read any of my very few posts this summer, then you know that I've been using a running app with the goal of being able to actually RUN. Along the way there have been great accomplishments - the first 6 minute run and then the 20 minute. But there have been set backs too - and most of them can be blamed on a broken toe the day before starting week 4.

During week 5, I thought I might die from cramps in my calf. Those cramps were from running longer times but on the wrong side of my foot (see reference to broken toe above). It took almost an entire week to get the cramps to stop.

Week 6 brought much longer run times. It started with a 9 minute run, a 3 minute walk, and then another 9 minute run. I made the first 9 minutes fine, did the 3 minute walk, and then just couldn't make the second 9 minutes. I would get about 4 minutes in and the calf muscles would cramp terribly. After trying it two different days, I decided it was the stopping to walk and then going back to running that was killing me. So I decided to just move on to W6D2 - a 20 minute run. And I did it! I was so excited to finish 20 minutes of running. The next run was a 15 minute run with a 3 minute walk and then a 10 minute run, and again I didn't do well with the run-walk-run pattern. I modified myself and decided to just run it and skip the walking part. I was running for 26 minutes - with no walking breaks. I was at the lake. And the lake has hills. And asphalt. At home I run on flat land. And gravel. During that time my butt cheeks and back were bothering me, but I thought it was just something that I would have to push through. I thought that when I got home and back to running on flat, gravel roads again it would get better. But it got worse. And I couldn't finish my runs. I tried stretching. I tried ibuprofen. I tried muscle relaxers. I tried heating pads. I have been so mad. And so disappointed.

I did some googling and read several running articles. Most mentioned that back and butt pain could be caused from a change in gait, increasing speed or distance, and changing running surfaces. Hmmm? Check, check, and check. I tried to continue running. The back got worse. I finally went to the doctor. He told me the pain was from running on my foot in a different way, increasing my run time, and changing my running surface - all the things that I had already read in those articles. He gave me pain meds and muscles relaxers and told me to keep running and when I couldn't run to walk double the time. I tried. I really tried. But I just couldn't keep running. I barely made it 13 minutes. It was so frustrating. And even finishing the time walking was killing me. So I took a few days off.

This morning I tried it again. I ran for just over 15 minutes. I increased my distance by walking to complete 3 miles. And my back and butt are killing me. I should have finished W8D3 - the full 30 minute run - by now. And I'm back to just 15 minutes? All because of a damn pinky toe. It just makes me so mad. Tomorrow I will run for a few more minutes and go the full 3 miles again. I'll just have to work my way back up. Maybe I'll get to the 30 minute run before Christmas. Uggghhhh!

It hasn't all been bad. I've done some running with friends and family. At the lake I ran with my nieces, Brooke and Leah, and my friends, Carrie and Alli. At home I've run with Carrie and neighbors, Emily and Brandon. Brooke, Carrie, and I have made lots of jokes about being runners. We can work 'cause I'm a runner now into almost any conversation. This weekend Lovey and I went to New Orleans for our anniversary. Saturday morning we were walking along the river. There were lots of people riding bikes, walking, and running. We met a group of guys who were obviously real runners - very lean, very quick. I leaned over to Lovey and said, "That's what our running group looks like when we run." He answered, "So y'all run topless?"

So you runners, I need advice. I need encouragement. I need someone to come by every morning and drag my butt out of bed.

accountability

A few years ago administrators everywhere learned this word, and now teachers hear it at every meeting. I, personally, get sick of it by about lunch of the second day back to school. However, there is something to be said about being held accountable. I have started this running app many, many times. Each time I would say this time I will finish it. But I never have. One time I hurt my knee. One time I got sick for a few days. And several times, I just got lazy or it rained or it was too hot or it was too cold or a million other excuses - but I didn't finish. I'm not sure I ever finished w4d1.

But this time I was determined to finish it. To not only get past week 4 but to finish the entire app and actually run. But hadn't I told myself that a million other times about one exercise plan or another. Haven't we all done that? But something is different this time. This morning I finished week 5. Can I get a Whoop-whoop! Yes, you heard me correctly. I finished week 5. This morning. As in I've already done it. This time I haven't let a million excuses stop me. It hasn't been easy. It ain't pretty! But I'm doing it. I've had this phobia about running in front of people. You know - I'm too sweaty. I'm too slow. I'm too jiggly. But this time, I kept my schedule. I ran at the lake. I ran past my neighbor's house while he was outside. And this week I started running with friends. Two mornings this week I have gotten up before 5a.m. and met friends for early morning running. The broken toe has slowed me down a bit. Sunday morning, I started running with Lovey and had to walk the second half because my toe hurt so bad (I had stumped it the night before). But the next morning I got up and reran that day - and finished it. This time, I started out running my three days a week and walking the other days. And I have only skipped a few walking mornings. I didn't walk or run or anything yesterday. And you know what? I just didn't feel good all day. About halfway through the afternoon, I thought to myself, If I would have gone running this morning, I would feel better. Seriously! I really thought that! And even more importantly, I believe it.

So what's so different this time? What's making me change the way I think. This time I find myself planning my day around my exercise. For years, I tried to fit exercise into my day - it rarely worked. Something almost always bumped it further and further down the list. I couldn't walk after school because I had afterschool tutoring. I would do morning walks all summer and then stop when school started, planning to do it later in the day. But the time was just never right later in the day. This time, I have caught myself saying, Can't do that, I have to run in the morning. or Well I'll have to run first. or even Want to run with me? Just the other day my momma asked me if I was dieting too. My answer to that was a big NO. I haven't let the scales deter me. In the past, I would set myself up for failure. I changed everything at once and then couldn't stick with it. Or I would get on the scales and not see much of a change and get discouraged and quit it all. Oh, I've gotten on the scales almost everyday - they just tell me the same thing over and over again. For the last few weeks, I've lost and gained back and lost again the same 3 or 4 pounds. And I'm sort of okay with that. Would I like the weight to be dropping off? Hell yeah. But I'm just not worrying about it. This is not about me losing weight - this is about me finishing the running app. I'll worry about the numbers on the scale when I can run 30 minutes without needing an oxygen tank. And to be honest, my clothes are fitting a little more loosely. Good enough for me.

Is all of this change because of accountability? I've been posting about finishing the app. A few weeks ago, I committed to #4realfitnesschallenge. My New Year's resolution included fitness - I think I've started the c25k app three times since then. I resolved to lose 5 pounds a month and try a new recipe each week, but neither of those are happening. Running with friends has helped me this week. I really didn't want to get up this morning, but I knew they would be running so I did. They would have gone on without me and not even been upset that I didn't show up, but I wanted to run with them. The broken toe could have been a legitimate excuse to back out of the fitness challenge - but I refused to let that stop me. My little excursions this summer have been reasons to not run, but I've packed my shoes and my headphones and done it. I honestly believe that this time I have forgotten all about being accountable to the other stuff - like diets and scales, and I've been accountable to me. I don't want to fail me. I refuse to let myself down again. I've been asked several times if I plan to run a 5k when I finish the app, and honestly, I don't see that happening - but I just might.

I've got the first 20 minute run coming up soon. I'm debating whether I want to run that on my own or with the group. What would be the easiest? Running with the group increases my pace - not that my pace keeps up with theirs at all. What if I want to quit? Running with someone might push me to keep going. But running with someone might make me want to give up when my running pace slows down to not even someone else's walking pace. (It could happen, believe me.) See. These are the things that go through my mind now. I'm making decisions for me. Not for the scales. Not for the someone's challenge. Not for the blog. For me. What will work for me? I think accountability must come from within. It helps to have encouragement along the way. It helps to be challenged. It helps that someone will suffer with me. But until I want it for myself, none of the technology, none of the cheering, none of the questioning, none of the rewards in the world is going to make me do it. I'm doing it now because I finally decided that I would. I want to finish it more than I want to give in to the excuses. That's what is keeping me accountable right now.  

I'm thinking that I will start my school year by having my students discuss "accountability" and have them write about what is keeping them accountable. Do they know? Have they thought about it before? It could set a great pace for the year.

it's done - and i'm alive to tell about

If I die this week, make sure that my tombstone reads she finally finished week 4 of her c25k app and I want it in really fancy font! And go ahead and hang my running shoes on the corner - just for good measure.

I have really been ignoring the blog lately. I just realized that my last post was from the lake. I've been home since Friday afternoon. Well, I did leave again on Sunday but it was just an overnight trip. I'm going to blame it all on the toe.

After I posted last Tuesday, I was on a runner's high that lasted for the next 24 or so hours - until I broke my toe. It's all fun and games until someone breaks a toe. My exercise plans were to walk each of the remaining mornings at the lake and then run on Saturday. But Wednesday I just barely bumped my toe on a rock while getting in the water. Without even looking, I knew it was probably broken. The water was cold, so I just dangled my foot in it for the rest of the afternooon and tried not to think about it. But when the time came to climb back to the camper - I was clearly reminded. After that I walked to the bath house a few times, but no real walking. I tried to put my shoes on for walking Thursday morning but QUICKLY changed my mind. But Saturday morning I knew I had to get back on track. I put the shoe on and finished w4d2. The toe hurt. I've been only wearing flip flops - real shoes hurt. But after a while, the toe goes numb - or I just hurt everywhere else so much that I forget about the toe - or there's not enough oxygen getting to the brain to know just where I'm really hurting.

Instead of walking before church Sunday morning, I made pickles. I went with my mom and sister-in-law to watch Caleb play at basketball camp later Sunday evening. After the game we went back to the hotel and paddled around in the pool for about 45 minutes. It wasn't a hard workout, but I had arms and/or legs moving the entire time. Then Monday morning I got up to hit the hotel gym. I wanted to do w4d3. But when I put those running shoes on, I knew that I would never finish on a treadmill. I don't like walking on a treadmill - I think my stride changes, and my shins always hurt. There was an elliptical machine in the gym, so I climbed on, stuck in my earbuds, and took off. At the end of 30 minutes I was a sweaty mess. And I never had to lift my poor little toe and slam it back down. Then yesterday morning I didn't run because it was raining. It started late Monday evening and rained most of the night. I knew the road would be so muddy. And I really wasn't sure about the rain and my phone. My running app is on my phone - I need that little man talking in my ear. I love to hear - you are half way there. I just can't make it without him yet. So how do you real runners do it? How do you run in the rain? What do you do differently? Even though I planned to run later in the day, I never got around to it. I'm just going to have to make time every morning - I never get back to it in the evening.

This morning I finished week 4. It was doable. I'm not ready to say that I felt GREAT, but I will commit to PRETTY GOOD. When I started, the toe was killing me! I wanted to take the easy way out and just go back to the house. But I wanted to run more. Yes, you read that correctly - I wanted to run more. Seriously? I don' know what is going on, but I just sucked it up and ran. And while I was pushing the envelope, I ran right on past not just one nieghbor's house, but two! I was running right out in the open! And to the neighbor who was working in his yard I have two things to say:

1. Why weren't you at work on a Wednesday morning?
2. I know that you were really confused. That wasn't a slow-motion replay - that was me running at full speed with all my jiggley stuff jiggling away. Sorry. I'm going to run every few days sometime between 6:30 and 9:00 - you may want to stay in the house with the blinds closed during those times.

As I ran past and flipped a quick wave in his general direction, I couldn't help but think of Heather's running-porn post.

I've completed my third week of #4realfitnesschallenge. Really? It's been three weeks already? Oh, this just makes me sad. Three weeks of my summer have flown by. I have so many projects to complete, so many books to read, so much fun to have. And three weeks have gone by in the blink of an eye. Someone please stop the clock! As much as I hate to say it, one of my to-do's is some deep cleaning this week. UGH! I have to say that I looked ahead to see what next week and the next would bring. A twenty minute run is just days away - days! I would rather suffer through the twenty minutes now than go clean. But...I'm gonna attempt the cleaning today. If you want to call with a better plan (better being ANYTHING else), I would probably join you.

on the road again

#girlstrip! woohoo!

If just planning and anticipation are any indication, this year's annual girls only camping trip will be one for the record books. We were scheduled to leave tomorrow, but we decided to start the fun a day early and are pulling out in just a few hours. It's really cloudy here right now and may be raining at the lake, but we should meet the clouds heading south as we travel north.

When we decided yesterday that we would leave a day early, I had to kick it in gear. On my other camping trips I don't do too much at-home prep, but for the girls trip I do. We like to make the meals as delicious and as easy as possible. So I made chicken salad, washed and prepped all the vegetables for grilling and omelets, prepared the broccoli salad and dressing so that it just has to be tossed together, and packed the ice chest. Friday I did most of my clothes packing. Now I just have to load a few things in the truck, hook up to my little pop-up, and pull out.

We've left the husbands two fridges full of yummy food for grilling. They may eat better than us - but I doubt it.

I stumbled out of bed in a fog this morning. As I got ready for my run, my eyes weren't focusing correctly, and I didn't notice that my c25k was set for a repeat of w3d1 instead of w3d3. It's exactly the same run, so times don't matter - but I want it to say that I completed w3d3. I felt pretty good while running. And was even thinking bring on w4d1 (which is my nemesis). I guess I jinxed myself by being just a bit too cocky. Because believe me, w4d1 is going to kick my ass! But now I have a dilemma: re-run w3d3 with the app so that it is marked complete or skip it and go on to w4d1. I'm mentally ready for week 4, I've pumped myself up for week 4, I've planned to begin week 4 on Wednesday. But I think not having week 3 completed (even though I did run the three days) will possibly drive me nuts. I could do w3d3 tomorrow but then I'll need to not run s4d1 until Thursday. this is just throwing my entire schedule off.

I'm hoping that I have enough cell service to get in a post from my phone on Wednesday; otherwise it'll be the weekend before I'm back.

week 1 done

Last week decided to join Jasmine and Heather in their #4realfitnesschallenge. The idea is to commit to 40 minutes of fitness 4 days of the week for 4 weeks. Today ends my first week - and I'm still alive to tell about it.

I love Heather's running/porn analogy. I feel much the same way. The thought of someone watching me run is not a happy thought. It's the exact reason that I only walked while I was at the lake. I did lots and lots of walking. I got in lots of exercise. But I just couldn't get up the nerve to break out in a run. I planned to. I thought about it. I prepared for it. But I came up with every excuse not to. And I just walked.

I've mentioned before that I am determined to finish my c25k app this summer. Several times in the last year I have gotten to week 4 and, for one reason or another, not conquered it. But that's going to change soon. Today I finished week 3 day 1. It was hard. And my pace was embarrassingly slow. But I finished it. As I was running up that last little hill, I had a running conversation going on in my head.
 I can't run another time.
Oh yes, you can. And you WILL.
Nope, can't do it. This knee is killing me, and I just can't do it.
You are going to do it. You will not quit. Even if you have to drag that leg behind you.
And then the wonderful words COOL DOWN. I was so glad to hear it. And I've looked at the next run; it's a repeat of today's so I know I can do it too.

I have walked every or done the c25k app every morning this week. Tonight is our end of the year UMY swim party and lock-in. There will be no running or walking in the morning. I think I'll do some stretching, maybe some yoga tomorrow and let these legs have a day to rest so that I can work on increasing my pace some on Friday.

So Wednesday's will be my day to report my weekly progress. And guess what? Next Wednesday I will be camping again. I'll be pulling out Tuesday morning for 4 days of fun on a girls only trip. Hopefully I'll have enough service to post from my phone. I've only camped at this place one other time; the people there don't know me - maybe I'll get up enough courage to run while I'm there. I will be camping with a friend who is a runner. Can I run in public with a real runner? Hmmmm?

i think i can, i think i can, i think i can

It seems as though I've been channeling that little engine all day long.

Getting out of bed this morning was a challenge. Last night my back was hurting so I took a muscle relaxer before going to bed. But honestly, I don't think it had anything to do with the difficulty in getting up. My sister tweeted this morning that her body had made the switch to summertime already - I think mine has too. So I had to tell myself, "I think I can. I think I can."

Once at school, I was faced with an overwhelming amount of tasks to be completed. The biggest being packing my room for summer; the most pressing being typing my semester test that kids would take at 10:00. I started typing it twice last week and got interrupted. The test got typed, the test got given, and the test got graded; the packing got, well.... I think I can. I think I can.

After school I treated myself to a mani and pedi. It has become my last day of school treat. But I just didn't thing I could make it until Wednesday afternoon. When I got home, I sat out in my porch swing while the dogs played in the yard. The cool breeze felt so good that I felt guilty sitting there on my butt wasting such perfect weather. So I got up, change, and put on my shoes. I knew that it was time to get back to my C25K. I have started this program many, many times, but never have I made it past week 4 day 1. I am determined that this summer I WILL finish the program. Several weeks I started it again. And then I hurt my foot while stepping off the back deck. I debated starting over but decided to just move on to week 2 day 1. I made it. I. Think. I. Can. I. Think. I. Can. Man, I was chugging up my tiny hill very, very slowly there at the end. And then when my time was over, I looked back and realized that I hadn't run since April 30. Really? No wonder I was huffing and puffing so.

I've got two more mornings to pull myself out of bed and go to school. So if you see my huffing and puffing or blowing smoke one of those days, remind me that you think I can.