Tuesday, April 24, 2012

chasing the zzzzz's

Insomnia. I hate it. It is my nemesis. My kryptonite. And it's turning my brain to mush. So don't hold me responsible for grammar, spelling, mechanics, or coherence (i originally put coherency, but decided that wasn't a word - is it?)

In the last few weeks, I've caught myself saying some strange things in conversations. It comes out of my mouth, and I know it's not correct, but I just can't stop myself from saying it. I usually manage a correction about 30 seconds later, but it's already out there. Any one who hears me will never remember that I corrected myself, but will ALWAYS remember what I, an English teacher, said incorrectly - no matter how bad their own grammar might be. At the moment, I can't remember exactly what I've said this week (you know, because of the mushy brain and all). I do know that a few years ago in another insomnia-can't-sleep-jello-brain phase, I caught myself saying tooken. Really, tooken? I constantly remind students not to say it, yet I did. More than once. For about a week, it was like I couldn't stop my mouth from spitting out that word.

I. Just. Want. To. Sleep.

Yesterday, I came home from work and hit the couch hoping to sleep for an hour or so. I would almost get to sleep and then jerk awake. I haven't gotten to sleep before 1:30 in over a week. And several mornings my eyes have popped open between 3:15 and 4:00.

Several friends have suggested Tylenol or Advil PM. I do take it sometimes. But honestly, when my insomnia is really kicking my butt, it doesn't phase me. It my help me to go to sleep, but I don't stay asleep. My brain just isn't shutting off at night. When I wake up, I'm in mid-thought. And I've been so jerky and jumpy at night that I keep waking Lovey up too.

Tonight, I have a new plan. It may or may not include tequila.

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